The Cold Hard Truth About Getting Ideas Then Ruthlessly Cutting Them

I came across an old gag cartoon of mine recently (above). Made me laugh. Then I asked myself: is there an idea for a humor post there?

At some point parents have to share shocking or unpleasant truths with their kids– what if non-human parents had to do the same?

What might a dog tell their son or daughter? Or a bug or a pumpkin or a parrot or a snowman or a rock or an ape?

So I slapped my forehead and got the wheels turning and started jotting down ideas.

As I worked, I found myself wondering why brands, particularly small businesses with limited budgets, don’t use this same approach to market themselves.

In other words: take a photo or some other image, and use it as a stepping off point to create a brand story.

A “true” story, but one where you add some humor and a little poetic license to get attention and create some buzz.

I think there’s a lot of potential there, and I’ll revisit the idea in a future post.

So where does the ruthless cutting come in?

Every creative knows they’re going to come up with a lot of bad and so-so ideas along with the good.

It’s not too hard to cut the lousy stuff, but then comes the tough part: cutting good stuff, maybe really good stuff, and retaining only the best material.

I came up with 43 “cold hard facts” gags, which was way too many for a reasonably short post. I cut 18 and kept 25.

I’m going to surprise you here and list the 18 gags that got cut. Some are definitely weak, some I hated to see go. Leave a comment and let me know what you think.

I put the “best 25” in a Medium post which you can read here. (It’s a “friend link” that bypasses the Medium paywall.)

If you’re a brand or small business, give some thought to taking a photo you’ve got lying around, and using it for inspiration.

There’s a story in there somewhere. Probably several. Tease one out, or think about hiring me to help you.

OK, here’s what some non-human parents say when it’s time to tell their kids the cold, hard truth.

Bear: We smash beehives and bird feeders, then we sleep all winter. Vandalism tires you out.

Snake: We got scapegoated in the Bible, and we’ve been the bad guys ever since. Fangs a lot, Book of Genesis!!

Mouse: People use us for lab experiments. We don’t get to wear white gloves, either. Don’t believe everything you see in cartoons.

Cat: Remember Uncle Jack and the steamroller? We don’t really have nine lives.

Centipede: We’re not related to the Rockettes. It just looks that way when they do that kick routine.

Lion: We don’t lie down with lambs except on Christmas cards. It’d be like some hungry guy lying down with a hamburger.

Rat: We get demonized a lot. Willard is a great movie, but there’s a lot of bigotry there, and it hurt our reputation.

Chicken: Colonel Sanders is a mass murderer. He puts our bodies in little buckets with cheery red stripes.

Toad: There’s no Toad Hall. We don’t get to ride around in motorcars and raise hell, either.

Mole: We’re legally blind. Uh, son, I’m over here.

Owl: We can only say the one word. We can’t ask What, When, Where, or Why, so we can’t be journalists or English teachers.

Troll: We live under bridges and make people pay to go across. Then we use our wifi connection to leave nasty comments on their posts.

Tooth: Kids put us under their pillows and parents sneak in at night and swap us out for money. It teaches kids to feel entitled.

Locust: We were one of the ten plagues of Egypt. Talk about bad press. People still look down on us.

Clock: We’re always being watched, especially in hospital waiting rooms and company-mandated racial sensitivity classes.

Phone: People use us to take selfies and watch porn and say hurtful things. On a positive note, we empower people.

TV remote: We team up with beer and cheese curls to promote obesity and kill people.

Cow: People buy tickets and bet on where we’re gonna drop a floppy in a field. But if anybody asks, we do “fundraising.”

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About Mark: I’m an illustrator specializing in humor, branding, social media, and content marketing. My images are different, like your brand needs to be.

You can view my portfolio, and connect with me on X, Facebook, and LinkedIn.

Questions? Send me an email.

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