One Fine Day at the Blue Bird Pet Store

It was another fine day at the Blue Bird Pet Store.

It used to be called Donkey Depot, but employees spent half their time shoveling you-know-what. Birds were a lot easier to clean up after.

Philip and Bertram were between customers. Philip was eating breath mints, and Bertram was on the computer, checking the latest from NPR.

“Jeez,” said Bertram. “This guy, the shooter, he looks familiar. Didn’t he come in a couple of months ago and buy a parrot??”

Philip peered at the screen. “Yeah— pretty sure I waited on him myself. Nice guy.”

The bell above the door went ching-chime.

“Hey, prof,” said Philip. “What’s happening up at the U?”

Dr. Simpson Browne-Bloomer, Professor of Public Policy, smiled. “We had a group of pro-Palestine students barricade themselves in the library last night. Not particularly original, perhaps, but gratifying all the same.”

“From the sea to the river,” smiled Philip. “What can we do for you?”

“I need a parrot,” said Dr. Browne-Bloomer.

“Another one?”

“You can never have too many parrots,” said Browne-Bloomer. “I like to pass them along. They make great gifts.”

“This is Bernie,” said Philip, indicating a haughty, ruffled, red-faced bird sitting on a nearby perch.

“Trump’s a fascist! Trump’s a fascist!!” squawked Bernie.

“Wonderful!” cried Browne-Bloomer.

“And this is Rashida,” said Philip. He pointed to a grim, fierce-looking bird with a sour expression.

“Charlie had it coming! MAGA did it!!” screamed the bird.

“She’s kind of a twofer,” said Philip proudly.

“I love it!” said Professor Browne-Bloomer.

“And this is Stephen,” said Philip a little doubtfully. He pointed to a cranky old bird with slicked-back head feathers. The bird gave them a dour, supercilious look.

“We’re all Jimmy Kipple! We’re all Jimmy Kipple!!” it squawked imperiously.

The professor frowned. “Kipple??”

Philip shrugged. “It’s supposed to be ‘We’re all Jimmy Kimmel,’  but he’s got a speech impediment. That’s why he’s on sale at 75% off.”

“I’ll pass on Stephen,” said Browne-Bloomer, “but I’ll take the other two.”

“Excellent!” said Philip. “And when you buy two or more, you get a free Antifa button. What’s your preference— the Two Flags or the Three Arrows?”

“Never been a flag man,” said the professor. “I’ll take the arrows.”

They watched him leave with a parrot on each shoulder.

“Any new shootings?” asked Philip.

Bertram did some scrolling. “Not at the moment.” He sat back. “It’s funny, though, isn’t it? You gotta wonder what makes people do something like that.”

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About Mark: I’m an illustrator specializing in humor, branding, social media, and content marketing. I also write humor and short fiction. My images are different, like your brand needs to be.

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