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We Three Beards Of Orient Are

January 6, 2014

The Feast of the Epiphany. When I was a kid, it was always January 6th. I can remember our church calendar used to include the words Little Christmas on that date.

That’s because Western Christian churches have traditionally observed it as the day the Magi, aka the Wise Men, aka the Three Kings, arrived in Bethlehem to present their gifts to the Christ Child.

Is January 6th the 12th or the 13th Day of Christmas? It’s one of those subjects that lends itself to debate. Most Christians would agree, however, that the Christmas season runs through the Epiphany.BlankVertSpace.8pixels

It ain’t over till the Kings deliver the loot.BlankVertSpace.8pixels

The Magi are usually pictured as having beards, right? Which reminded me of this year’s Boston Red Sox baseball team, which won the World Series. All of which conjured up the following image.

Wise Men Three Kings Epiphany parody showing three Boston Red Sox fans with beards and camels and bat ball and glove gifts headed for Fenway Park to pay homage to their bearded baseball heroes and 2013 World Series Champions

The Red Sox started sporting some serious facial hair during the 2013 season.
And the bigger their beards got, the more they won. Almost like they were channeling Samson.

Red Sox fans got into it: “Fear The Beards!!” became their rallying cry. They even started wearing beards (real and fake) to Fenway Park, where the Sox play their home games.

Here’s a Boston Herald newspaper photo of some of the more impressive jaw-warmers.

Boston Herald photo showing eight members of 2013 World Series Champion Boston Red Sox with their famous beards

It spawned a new tradition: when a Red Sox player hit a home run, his teammates charged out of the dugout to give him a congratulatory tug on his beard.

The Sox went all the way, defeating the St. Louis Cardinals in 6 games (best of 7) to win the 2013 World Series.Bearded Boston Red Sox players rushing out of dugout to pull the beard of teammate who just hit a home run

When I tried to imagine the Three Kings as Red Sox fans, it wasn’t too hard to figure out what kind of gifts they’d bring.

Here’s a detail image:detail image of Wise Men Three Kings Epiphany parody showing three Boston Red Sox fans with beards and camels and bat ball and glove gifts headed for Fenway Park to pay homage to their bearded baseball heroes and 2013 World Series ChampionsAre you a baseball fan?

What’s your opinion of beards– do they make a guy look manly, or just plain scruffy?

Ever seen some other craze take hold and generate a mysterious unifying power?

Has anyone ever set out their shoes at bedtime on the Epiphany, hoping the Kings
will leave them a present?

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21 Comments leave one →
  1. January 6, 2014 9:53 PM

    Other than Santa’s beautiful, white flowing beard, I think guys look best when they’re clean shaven. But, I do like some beards that are trimmed and close to the face.


    • January 13, 2014 11:49 AM

      Ha! Thanks, Judy! Yeah, Santa definitely needs his whiskers, and I think Paul Bunyan better keep his, too. But if the Lone Ranger grows a beard, I may hafta resign from the Saturday Morning Hero Worshippers Club! Hi-yo, Silver– awayyyyyyyy!! : )


  2. January 6, 2014 10:22 PM

    Love your image, Mark! I like an early beard when it’s light and scruffy – and sexy. Once it grows in, I’ve lost interest. πŸ˜‰ Those Red Sox players need to shave!!

    I’m a baseball fan. It got me into trouble this year. I’m not betting on baseball ever again!


    • January 13, 2014 11:58 AM

      Ha! Thank you, dear Maddie! For some reason, your line about losing interest after a beard grows in made me roar with delight!! A wholly unique perspective, stated with your usual panache!!

      My own attempts to grow a beard can be summed up as light, scruffy, and patchy, which is a far cry from light, scruffy, and sexy. I tried walking around with a Pink Owl bubble gum cigar stuck inna corner of my mouth, tryna look like Clint Eastwood, but it didn’t help… : (

      Always a pleasure to see you, Maddie– thanks!!! : )


  3. January 7, 2014 12:10 AM

    A wonderfully Manly post Mark or should I say Beardly…..

    I don’t mind beards as long as they are well trimmed and don’t have any food stuck in them.


    • January 13, 2014 12:04 PM

      You had me laughing there, Jen– a manly, beardly, hairy post indeed!! : P

      Yeah, beards with food in them– not a pleasant sight. I remember being at a party once, and talking to a guy with a half-dozen different kinds of cracker crumbs in his beard– definitely a distracting influence!!

      Thanks for checking in with that bold and forthright opinion!! : )


  4. January 7, 2014 3:00 AM

    Mark, I think many Protestants are blissfully unaware of Epiphany. Being LDS, I can tell you, there are NO reminders about it. None. We don’t observe it, apparently. No one at church on Sunday said “It’s Twelfth Night.” There were no references, whatsoever. It’s mostly Catholic friends that remind me about it. We shop at a Mex supermarket sometimes, but I forgot the Rosca de Reyes this year. And we just don’t know Three Kings at our house. I’ve often contemplated it, thought about it especially this year because we got hit with card fraud in December, and things were resolved *just on* Christmas week. I figured, “Sure, let’s do the Kings bringing some loot this year, so the kids can get some more gifts in January.”

    Nope. We just didn’t get around to it, and again, where our local community just doesn’t observe it (that isn’t Catholic, or Lutheran, or I dunno, Episcopalian?) there’s just no momentum there. No family tradition, none. *shrug* Sorry.


    • January 13, 2014 12:20 PM

      Huh! The Three Kings getting no respect at all?? Sounds like an anti-royalist neighborhood you’ve got there, Jak… : )

      Just kidding. I don’t think the Epiphany gets as much attention as it used to, and as you say, the local faith tradition has a lot to do with its observance. Since you’ve always cut a rather “kingly” figure yourself, my dear fellow, I’m sure the Magi wouldn’t mind your standing in for them, as needed… : )

      Thanks, Jak!


      • January 13, 2014 3:18 PM

        Y’know what, Mark? It ultimately worked out okay– my folks went to visit my youngest sister in Utah for Christmas, and they waited a while after they got back to give us the presents she had for our family. We got them not too long after Epiphany, so, close enough. πŸ˜‰

        Next year, though, I think we’ll try to remember to pick up a Rosca de Reyes cake– they are good! And we’ll probably try again with gifts… the retailers still seem pretty desperate for us to shop, as the sales keep coming…

        Thanks again for your warm replies.


  5. January 10, 2014 11:04 AM

    Ha! I don’t watch baseball, but if I would have known all that beard pulling was going on I would have been much more inclined. And perfect gifts from the three wise bearded ones, Mark! πŸ˜€


    • January 13, 2014 12:26 PM

      Haw! Thanks, ol’ quipster! I busted out laughing when I read you’da been a lot more inclined to tune in if you’d known about all that face-fuzz yankin’ going on!! You’re absolutely right, though– fans are sick and tired of all that high-fivin’ and fist-bumpin’– it’s time for some new manly congratulatory schtick!!

      Thanks for trottin’ over on your trusty camel, sahib– always a delight to see you, Linda!! : )


  6. January 11, 2014 2:18 PM

    I like beards! Not those long straggling ones but the baseball guy number 2 is kinda cute πŸ™‚ HAPPY NEW YEAR MARK. Love your work as usual.


    • January 13, 2014 9:03 PM

      Awright!! A vote for face-fuzz!! But it sounds like we may have to ask those ZZ Top and Duck Dynasty guys to wait outside… : )

      Thank you, my dear Lesley! I can only say that if I had to grow a beard symbolic of your wonderful comments and good-humored ongoing support, it’d be so long, I’d be trippin’ over it– ker-SPLATski!!

      Thanks a million! A very Happy New Year to one of my favorite artists and people!! : )


  7. January 13, 2014 3:25 PM

    Bearded men? Not really atracted with them. But some men, look good with it.

    Your 3 Kings are looking so cool and ready for a game πŸ™‚ Great illustration… I am so impressed with your imagination on how these 3 bearded men ended up to be looking this way… πŸ™‚

    I love your music by the way…I thought I was already in a cafe taking my siesta πŸ™‚


    • January 13, 2014 8:44 PM

      My dear Dolly!! Thank you for checking in on this vital question of bearded men! I once stuck 12 chocolate glazed donuts to my face in the Lemons R Us CafΓ©, and then just paid for a cup of coffee. The cashier complimented me on my “beard,” and my unusual after shave lotion. By the time I left the cafΓ© 20 minutes later, I was clean-shaven and had a very bad stomachache. Please don’t tell anyone about this… : P

      Thanks for your lovely comment– glad you enjoyed the music! You are always an Honored Guest here at the Big Beard Coffee Bar!! : )


  8. January 14, 2014 7:39 AM

    It’s uber that you made an illustration about beards. They get obviously very popular everywhere, here too. What do you think? Should I grow my beard, too?


    • January 17, 2014 3:27 PM

      I was talking to a man with a beard the other day. “How do you like your beard?” I asked. He said: “I didn’t care for it at first, but it grew on me…” How’s that for a pun, my dear Tutti??

      No, no, no, you should not grow a beard!! You can grow the little horns on your head, you can grow your fangs, you can grow your pigtails– but I must draw the line at a beard!! You look perfect already, you see… : )


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